When I picked on this topic, I grabbed my notebook and pen like I always do. I was going to look into the already existing literature and make it relevant with my own experiences. But nothing was speaking to me louder than what I’ve gone through. I’ve been open about all my life experiences except that one. I felt it made me look stupid. I had a problem with embracing reality, learning to let go. Getting to finally talk about it here… for the first time already giving me some peace of mind.
When I was still in college, I met a guy, I will call him Liam. To be honest, from the first day I saw him, I liked him. He was cute and I liked how he conversed. He did get my number, and from then we started talking. Was fun and flexible and I liked the vibe we had. Before I met him, I was living by the book. I did believe in what I called principles. However he didn’t believe in anything of that sort. He was a free soul, well to some extent. …fast forward, we started dating.
Liked Liam so much, such that a lot about me changed ever since we got involved. I was ok with it. I felt he opened me to new perspective. We moved in together and started playing house. That’s when I found out he was seeing someone else. I was heartbroken but I didn’t want him gone. Honestly at that time, I thought it wasn’t anything serious with the other girl and it would end soon. But I was wrong. I couldn’t break up with him. I felt I couldn’t live without him. Well we had grown so close. I spent most of my time with him. The more I did, the more I got attached. All this time I was pushing him to stop seeing his other girl. He said give me two months. I don’t want to hurt her. And I agreed.
Well in my mind I felt since they barley spent time together; he was going to chose me. But I was wrong. I tried to prove myself worth it but it was in vain. This went on for a long time. It became a cycle. We would always fight about her and he was growing tired of me. He wanted me to accept reality. There is nothing I can do about her and if you can’t take it you can leave… so he said. Despite all this happening a part of me still felt I shouldn’t let go. I moved from feeling he was cheating on me to feeling I should learn to accept the things I can’t change and stop nagging. Sometimes he would talk about a future with me and say he wanted to marry me. He would promise me he was going to break with up her soon. Despite these promises he would still go see her regularly and in short he kept things intact.
We fight to hold on and we fight to let go. However one fight is worth more than the other. The relevant questions that pop up in our heads when we talk about letting go are how, why and when.
When you have lost your sense of self. You now live in constant efforts to prove your worth. When you have compromised a lot to no gain. When expectations are not met and promises are always broken. The truth that hit me from within when I was in my dilemma was. If they can’t make the decision to be with you in the way you want them to now, what makes you think they will later? Stop trying to change people’s minds by proving yourself. You can’t live by your standards if you are living for their approval.
Letting go is an intentional choice. Make it or no one will for you. No one said it’s easy, it’s not meant to be. I understand it’s not easy to let go of something you attached to, but if the facts are saying you should, then force and it and push it. You should know that the more you can’t let go, you become dependent on something. transform from the person you are meant to be to something acceptable by that thing. You owe it to yourself to be free and happy, so push yourself to it. Also get yourself a reliable audience. Have a voice and stop bottling up emotions. Let others help you to it. Embracing reality, learning to let go will open you to other better perspectives and possibilities.
Most of all forgive and you will forget.
The end; I did let go
After learning the above, I pushed myself to it. I did let go. Although it wasn’t easy. The end result was worth it. I got happier and in control of my life again.